Day 284: And the answer is ...

I debated about this post ... it has mixed reviews.

I know my posts are usually pictures, few words.

But my friend Dorothy's post today triggered this memory,

and so I am sharing a personal moment.

Please handle with care.

Many years ago, after graduating from college ...

I was newly married, teaching and working on my masters degree.

I became sick, and in order to keep teaching, 

the doctor gave me ritalin (a calm-down Rx for children), 

one pill each weekday morning which enabled me ...

to be alert and teach.

By 5PM I was in bed for the night.

During one of these nights I had a dream.

It is still vivid in my mind, unlike most dreams.

My body was spinning length-wise in mid-air ...

towards a really bright light. 

I wasn't dizzy but it seemed very fast.

Suddenly, a painful brightness ...

that made my eyes struggle to adjust.

As my vision began to focus, I saw my Grandpa Beatty.

He was sitting in a rocking chair on a front porch and ...

looked just as I remembered him as a very young child.

He smiled, and I felt warm.

I looked at the others and recognized some as ...

 Aunts and Uncles from my youth.

Then all of a sudden I had a clear knowing.

I knew the answer.

The answer to everything! 

And it was obvious, and so ordinary.

I remember wondering why didn't we already realize this?

It was so simple, crystal clear.

Then Aunt Fern said, "now that she knows ...

she can't go back".

Instantly I felt such intense panic.

No, I pleaded, I'll forget, I promise.

And I woke up. 

Breathing heavily.

As if I had just finished a marathon.

I lay in bed trying to regain my breath.

My husband heard me, and asked if I was okay?

I recounted my dream, every detail.

So what is the answer?", he said.

I don't know?

I just know it was so simple, so ordinary ...

like mayonnaise.

Now I am pretty sure the answer isn't mayonnaise ...

but that was the word I used at the time.

And, it's as close as I've been to enlightenment.