Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Day 284: And the answer is ...

I debated about this post ... it has mixed reviews.
I know my posts are usually pictures, few words.
But my friend Dorothy's post today triggered this memory,
and so I am sharing a personal moment.
Please handle with care.

Many years ago, after graduating from college ...
I was newly married, teaching and working on my masters degree.
I became sick, and in order to keep teaching, 
the doctor gave me ritalin (a calm-down Rx for children), 
one pill each weekday morning which enabled me ...
to be alert and teach.
By 5PM I was in bed for the night.
During one of these nights I had a dream.
It is still vivid in my mind, unlike most dreams.

My body was spinning length-wise in mid-air ...
towards a really bright light. 
I wasn't dizzy but it seemed very fast.

Suddenly, a painful brightness ...
that made my eyes struggle to adjust.
As my vision began to focus, I saw my Grandpa Beatty.
He was sitting in a rocking chair on a front porch and ...
looked just as I remembered him as a very young child.
He smiled, and I felt warm.
I looked at the others and recognized some as ...
 Aunts and Uncles from my youth.
Then all of a sudden I had a clear knowing.
I knew the answer.
The answer to everything! 
And it was obvious, and so ordinary.
I remember wondering why didn't we already realize this?
It was so simple, crystal clear.

Then Aunt Fern said, "now that she knows ...
she can't go back".
Instantly I felt such intense panic.
No, I pleaded, I'll forget, I promise.

And I woke up. 
Breathing heavily.
As if I had just finished a marathon.
I lay in bed trying to regain my breath.
My husband heard me, and asked if I was okay?

I recounted my dream, every detail.
So what is the answer?", he said.
I don't know?
I just know it was so simple, so ordinary ...
like mayonnaise.
Now I am pretty sure the answer isn't mayonnaise ...
but that was the word I used at the time.
And, it's as close as I've been to enlightenment.

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